make sure you ask your trans/non binary friends what they do and don’t like to be called 😊 it can mean a lot, if your unaware
I call everyone Choom.
I would absolutely hate this to be honest. Using language from media in everyday life just sounds forced to me. X.x
I would say love to say cyberpunk lingo IRL but it feels to weird
But you can, there’s literally no one judging the individual words you choose to use in non (purposefully) offensive ways… Oh wait
Language is fluid, it changes over time. Trying to lock down something so strictly that it offends you if it’s used in a way you’re not familiar or comfortable with seems to me like exactly what you’re trying to to fight. Sexuality is fluid and can change over time, you wouldn’t be upset if someone wanted to change their pronouns, so let’s let the entirety of humanity decide to change the definition of a word.
Honestly, you do you booboo. Pick the fights you want to fight, but I get the feeling a lot of people disagree with you. I hope some day you live in the world you envision your happiness, because you deserve it. I just hope your version of happiness isn’t forcing everyone into your box
its called basic respect. if I tell you i don’t like to be called something, then don’t use it to refer to me, it’s as simple as that.
In fact, most people are completely fine with this, and I treat them with respect too.
Yeh for sure. If you tell me, I’ll 100% agree and do my very best. As simple as that. Hope you have a nice day :)
It’s not my responsibility to change how I speak over a term that’s legitimately gender neutral just because you find it offensive. Maybe you should go to therapy instead so people don’t feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you.
legitimately gender neutral
How many dudes have you fucked?
Probably more than you but i dont like to kiss and tell.
That’s okay. I don’t mind or really care. But everyone who read my question assumed I was talking about men. It’s absolutely not a gender neutral term.
Imagine being pro trans and homphobic Edit: I am so sorry I did not understand this at first due to 'tism
Maybe you should just be a decent fucking person and not go out of your way to call people things they don’t want to be called. How fucking hard is it to just not say shit that hurts people? If someone asks you to not call them something and your response is a paragraph about how it’s actually OK, you’re a shit person and a shit ally
If I don’t know a person doesn’t like something without first finding out, it’s pretty fucking hard to avoid the issue. I will act like myself and adjust as I learn more about the person. I ask that they be as patient with me as I am with them. If they take offense before teaching a stranger their basics, they were never trying to be friendly in the first place.
This is legit all I’m asking for. It would be rude to get all over someone for saying dude the way they normally do. It’s still nice to ask first, or at least as you first call them dude or whatever, but as long as you don’t insist on it when they ask you not to you’re good :3
What would be some good terms to use instead?
“person” is the only safe one afaik. Just go from specific to general and you’re good. You also get to sound like a robot.
Off the top of my head - comrade, friend, stranger… If you’re more familiar and are comfortable to use them (not an old fogie like me) fam, cuz.
I’m sure there are others too…I mean “comrade” is making some pretty big political assumptions so I don’t think it’s a very good choice for greeting someone you don’t know
Hey @all the reactionary fuckers who thinks the appropriate response to being asked not to call someone something is a paragraph about how it’s actually OK and they’re the ones that need to suck it up
You got it dude.
I go with “homes” because it could just as easily be short for homeboy or homegirl
Or Sherlock.
Whatever man
I’m literally married to a trans person and I don’t give a fuck. If a stranger starts policing language they just get blocked and ignored . MY DUDE
being married to a trans person doesn’t automatically make you good
Being offended doesn’t automatically make you right
And thinking that inclusion is about offence, and refusing to not be a shit to people either way, makes you at the very least, a wilfully ignorant ass…
“Dude” isn’t a slur though, it’s used as a term of familiarity or commonality, and really often as an exclamation like “wow” or “whoa,” and is entirely non-gendered in our present culture. Someone who decides they don’t want anyone to use such a common, basic, and genuinely benign word toward them is welcome to ask everyone they meet to not use it, but is going to be disappointed a lot.
The choice here is whether to hold on to a narrow, rigid, gendered definition of this word, put up walls with lots of very well-meaning and inclusive people, and put all those people in the “willfully ignorant ass” box, or whether to consider how your thoughts, fears, and anxieties about your identity and your place in society might be heightening your sensitivities to microaggressions to the point where you might be creating them where they don’t actually exist
Let’s take that dude isn’t generally considered a slur which is fine. It becomes one when someone asks you to not use that term in regards to them and you continue to do so.
People absolutely shouldn’t get offended if someone misterms them on first meeting. However if someone is constantly misgendering or what have you after being informed that the addressee doesn’t want to be addressed that way, that person does deserve to be shamed.
I get that. If someone is purposefully defying your request, that really speaks to their character flaws.
At the same time, the person making this request is probably also going to find a lot of people who are perplexed by the request, and who might subsequently keep their distance, because it’s really difficult to adhere to given its extremely common usage in the American lexicon. Rather than tempt fate and offend someone, it may be easier to just avoid talking to them.
So this is a decision to be made by the person making this request, I guess
You don’t see me calling anyone names and then telling them to suck it up
When did I do that? You just made it up
Ew
You think that people asking to not be called something that makes them dysphoric means they’re policing your language? Goddamn you sound like a right wing snowflake
But seriously, no offense meant at all. As someone who grew up “in the time period” in southern California the term “dude” is inescapable, regardless of gender. Trying to remove that from my vocabulary would be akin to removing “whoa” or “wow”… (I have zero issues with pronoun preferences)
I too have had words I majorly disliked… So I get it. Some of them I’ve grown away from and they don’t matter. Some still do. Like tummy… Ugh tummy is such a difficult word for me.
Also, in case the image reference is missed, please give The Big Lebowski a view. It’s not necessarily for everyone but it’s such a gem.
In my experience it really matters how it’s used. If you call someone a dude (that dude over there) it’s generally seen as gendered. If you use it like ‘dude that’s so rad’, it’s not gendered and is more of a soft expletive.
However, it still causes dysphoria for some folks, so when I’m unsure I’ll ask and then respect their preference.
Ah it was so unbelievably difficult to try to remove from my language too. I was playing a game with a mtf, I asked tbh and she said she didn’t mind. However I tried to stop doing it anyway. I failed misurably tbh. That being said I had no problem saying she so… I think it’s the case of being in a strategic scenario and not knowing who I’m talking to.
Florida for me, but same. The women refer to other women as dude.
Shoutout !achievers@lebowski.social
Nice. Joined
Damn dude what a take lol
That is indeed interesting, but I sure don’t care about your outdated overzealous opinion on “dude”. It’s gender neutral now, in case you haven’t noticed.
Not everyone agrees, in case you haven’t noticed. Just don’t be an asshole when someone says they don’t wanna be called that, it’s really not hard at all
While you should respect a direct request to refer to someone in a certain way, I don’t think it’s appropriate to change the standards of language based on what a tiny fraction of people are offended by.
Nobody’s doing that, stop making shit up to get mad about
If someone told me so, I’d respect that.
What I won’t respect is someone who think they know better than anyone about the world telling me what to assume.
Where is anyone doing that? You’re just making shit up to get mad about at this point
From asking I found out guy is male, guys is seen as neutral by most
My dude, dude is used as a gender neutral term
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
This complaint doesn’t even makes sense because you would always be using it as a noun, not a pronoun
Girl, are you sure?
It would be more like calling someone a chick, if being used in that context.
Probably more like calling someone “queen” imo. “Chick” is usually objectifying, “queen” is not.
Queen is, for me, definitely positive, where dude is neutral.
So, I throw “gal” in the ring - I’d be cool being called gal as a binding word.
Dude can definitely be gendered. If I said I saw a couple dudes walking down the street, would you not think I meant two men
That said, dude as an exclamation, imo, is ungendered. It’s almost like saying woah for me.
If someone really got offended by that from me, I would probably just not talk to them anymore.
But I think the OP is talking about when someone says something like sup dude.
I call my wife bro and dude constantly.
But obviously if someone doesn’t want to be called dude or bro they can let me know and I’ll gladly change my terms when dealing with them.
This is why I just call everyone “your excellency”
