• YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      What if you can’t pass rule 1: be attractive and rule 2: don’t be unattractive?

      Edit: Asking for a friend.

      • I dated a woman in the “Life style”. We went to a Xmas party that was “chocolate” (sex allowed) vs. “vanilla”.

        Let me tell you … there were plenty of middle aged, normal or even lesser quality attractiveness. (IMO). I’m not Hollywood grade by any means.

        It was literally just a big holiday bash with very average people with the added twist of random double BJ in the middle of the kitchen.

      • Uriel238 [all pronouns]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        3 months ago

        I think you overestimate the standards of swingers, who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are when they’re hitting on people outside their circle.

        Granted, you have to be attractive to get into Hollywood swinging parties, and especially rich swingers will look for less-rich young hot people to populate their swinging parties (usually with a personal interest in having a chance to smash that) but for the rest of us them us them, they want to to look slightly better than the Elephant Man, but do come clean, relatively well groomed (mind your nails, please) and if you can afford to dress nice, please do so. (No one denied access due to lack of funds.)

        Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I’ve experienced has been attitude and personality. This is one place that my own vampiric obsession with consent has really served me well.

        Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises. (Note, I’ve never been on a cruise, but have affluent parents who do, and can be snobbish themselves. From what I’ve read about cruise experiences, they sound dreadful in their opulence, hazards and wastefulness during a global pollution crisis) But then, cruises are expensive, and so the Venn diagram of obnoxious cruise passengers and affluent folk who are obnoxious off-cruise as well has a large area of intersection.

        • Passerby6497@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          Far more important than being good looking in the alt-sex communities I’ve experienced has been attitude and personality.

          Can confirm. Been part of local kink communities, and I’ve seen a few dudes about 2.5 steps up from the elephant man trimmed all to hell because dude had a great personality and knew how to use his implements. I don’t consider myself to be the best looking, but I don’t have any trouble for the same reason.

          Swinging parties on cruises may be different. There is absolutely a phenomenon in which poor, antisocial behavior that parallels aristocratic problems, becomes distressingly common on cruises.

          In my experience, that’s swinging parties, and to a lesser extent, the underlying culture in itself in a lot of places.

          In a previous life, our local kink and swinging scenes shared a building with connected event spaces, and any time there were overlapping events, consent issues inevitably cropped up. We constantly had complaints about people grabbing others or walking into scenes (and we had to not laugh when they inevitably got hit and complained about their lack of situational awareness).

        • rumschlumpel@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          3 months ago

          who often are not especially attractive, but will groom themselves to seem more attractive than they are

          They take care of their appearance? Talk about false advertising, I only consider sexual partners who look hot after they took a dive in liquid manure!

      • Uriel238 [all pronouns]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        3 months ago

        That’s partner swapping, or wife swapping in the mid 20th century, which is a subset of swinging. Plenty of swinging is bunches of people in a pile, or mingling and pairing. They’re supposed to be consent and boundary conscious, but are not always (especially when booze or drugs get involved) which is the primary source of sore feelings and getting uninvited to future events.

      • Sc00ter@lemm.ee
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        3 months ago

        Do you sit at the bar and wear pineapple swim trunks? That’d probably help

          • AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works
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            3 months ago

            Pineapples specifically are the code for availability to swing. A pineapple print Hawaiian shirt would also work. If you see a house with a bunch of pineapple decor, they might be a swinger. Or they might just really like pineapples. Regardless, I personally can’t look at the ubiquitous summer pineapple decor for sale in stores the same way I did before I knew about swingers and pineapples.

            • Sc00ter@lemm.ee
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              3 months ago

              Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they like pineapples or swingers, but if you see an upside down pineapple, they’re swingers. Thats just usually not an option on clothing

        • TexasDrunk@lemmy.world
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          3 months ago

          Spending a lot of time at the bar is the key. It also depends on what kind of cruise you’re on. If you’re on a family cruise the odds are way down.

          But the people who proposition you aren’t always going to be the people you’d want to have a threesome with.

    • FenrirIII@lemmy.world
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      3 months ago

      The Disney cruises are the worst. It started normal, but then i found my girlfriend got fucking Goofy.