Jokes aside, it’s something that has helped me a lot. I used to pray to die in accidents, to wish that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, etc. But really, what I wanted was for the pain and emptiness and shittiness to stop. So why not wish for that instead? Either way the bad stuff stops but not wanting to die would be nice. It’s hard, it’s a choice you have to make every time, not just once, but it does help. Or at least it helped me. And if things are extra shitty, you’re actively having an emotional crash and you start wishing to die again, it’s ok. You haven’t lost any progress, it’s not something to feel guilty about. When it’s over, just keep trying to choose better. You don’t always have to be moving, just try to keep facing in the right direction. I’m not saying “oh just choose to be better duh” like some fucking asshole, just that I’ve found that if you don’t actively want things to be better, they won’t be.
I’m at the point (…have been for several years) that I want it to be better, but it’s way too much fucking work, for a paltry amount of benefit. Why do the work of 100 men for the paycheck of 1? It’s very illogical; and I get ‘but it can be better’ - yeah, it “can”, and I “can” find a billion dollars in a sack on the sidewalk, but it’s not probable, so why get excited for something that is likely not to happen?
This isn’t shooting down what you said - I just feel like a lost cause. I don’t want to bother others, I can’t even find a reason to bother myself. I’m tied to an anchor and letting others throw me a life preserver feels like giving others false hope that they can help me, which makes me feel even worse.
Some people have awful lives. I just got the short stick this round. It’s alright.
Jokes aside, it’s something that has helped me a lot. I used to pray to die in accidents, to wish that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, etc. But really, what I wanted was for the pain and emptiness and shittiness to stop. So why not wish for that instead? Either way the bad stuff stops but not wanting to die would be nice. It’s hard, it’s a choice you have to make every time, not just once, but it does help. Or at least it helped me. And if things are extra shitty, you’re actively having an emotional crash and you start wishing to die again, it’s ok. You haven’t lost any progress, it’s not something to feel guilty about. When it’s over, just keep trying to choose better. You don’t always have to be moving, just try to keep facing in the right direction. I’m not saying “oh just choose to be better duh” like some fucking asshole, just that I’ve found that if you don’t actively want things to be better, they won’t be.
I’m at the point (…have been for several years) that I want it to be better, but it’s way too much fucking work, for a paltry amount of benefit. Why do the work of 100 men for the paycheck of 1? It’s very illogical; and I get ‘but it can be better’ - yeah, it “can”, and I “can” find a billion dollars in a sack on the sidewalk, but it’s not probable, so why get excited for something that is likely not to happen?
This isn’t shooting down what you said - I just feel like a lost cause. I don’t want to bother others, I can’t even find a reason to bother myself. I’m tied to an anchor and letting others throw me a life preserver feels like giving others false hope that they can help me, which makes me feel even worse.
Some people have awful lives. I just got the short stick this round. It’s alright.