yeah, I’m pretty radically left as it is but I’ve seen a few tankie posts and boy are those threads to stay away from.

As a user of a small, privacy respecting VPN, Cloudflare is both great and awful. It’s great because Cloudflare captchas are single click usually while Google captchas go for infinity. It’s awful because just as often as I benefit from Cloudflare, I also get blocked by Cloudflare.

i think that if im that close to death already i would rather throw away my fear and get a lil weird for it. i don’t see why it necessarily has to be traumatizing.

lots of people view the computer landscape as PCs and Macs. nevermind that Macs are pretty much always personal computers (as in computer hardware designed for use by a single individual at a time; non-server hardware)

i think it’s possible to self immolate without posing a massive danger to everyone. it takes precautions and training because you don’t want a molten man flailing around, but there have been people who have done so without posing a serious threat or risk to anyone else.

i think it’s less withdrawal and more your body flushing out all the cannabinoids, as well as going from smoking daily to not at all is a massive shift in body chemistry. that may have symptoms associated but may not necessarily be withdrawal, although that line can be blurry

π=5 for most hairdressers

By whose metric? I’m a weirdo and by and large it’s seen as more of a good thing, usually.

inb4 shitty person makes a shitty comment: you can be against anti-Semitism while also being against Zionism. Not supporting bigotry does not mean i support ethnostates.

There’s a very common anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that a Jewish cabal runs the world from the shadows and manipulates/is the world elite.

There are a lot of ways to disprove this but I think the easiest is to just look at the world currently: there is a “cabal” that “runs the world”, but no they are not all Jews nor are they secretly plotting all the bad things to happen. Really it’s a disparate set of individuals and organizations that have their own goals and agendas but who all have a shared, vested interest in maintaining the status quo and it’s trajectory. And some are in contact or proximity with others, but it isn’t usually some massive overarching “world order”. Yes you do see the individuals or organizations conspiring together, but it isn’t some massive syndicate. It’s people with shared interests trying to utilize every advantage they can. Or they just shoot the shit, who knows. My point is that while there are “shadowy” figures at the top who hold important positions of power, wealth, influence, and status, they’re just people and groups trying to maximize on their opportunities, as is the unfettered nature of capitalism. And no they aren’t all Jews.

I really appreciate your insight. It’s really helpful for remembering that it’s ok to be unsure and sometimes with time we gain clarity. I do think I’m being hard on myself but at the same time i don’t want to completely let up for fear I’ll regress. Which is a bit silly having typed it out.

I would like to point out that while no form of stalking is acceptable and I will not be engaging with it further, the information I was finding wasn’t any new or revelatory; its the information I had forgotten over the years. But i agree, it’s harmful to my healing journey, invades her privacy, and is overall just a shitty thing to do.

As for the weed, it serves a very specific purpose in my life that changes from time to time and is consistently reevaluated. It’s not to numb me, and I do monitor my consumption for abnormal effects. I am a fully functional adult, with emotional awareness and regulation, while stoned.

I don’t think you’re necessarily wrong, I think it’s just the issues are a lot deeper buried so it’s difficult to account for Thank you for taking the time to respond though!

Thank you for your insight, I really appreciate it. I am doing my best to give things a fair shake with my partner as she’s wonderful. This is something I wouldn’t be able to do without her.

I am in the healthiest relationship of my life with someone I genuinely love and appreciate, which makes these feelings all the worst. I think thanks to our fellow lemmings, i have some good ideas on how to progress forward. But the strategy you outlined is what helped me get to this point, so thank you for your perspective!

human minds are very weird

Thank you, I will.

I appreciate the insight. And yes I agree the stalking is weird and creepy and this will be the last time I do it. It’s not something I enjoy, but in my darker moments I’m more affable to my intrusive thoughts. That isn’t an excuse though.

And that’s so fair. I’m a bit worried that my knowledge is indeed flawed and that I’ll realize I love her or something if I were to see her again. But typing that out just sounds so silly; how can you love someone you don’t even know anymore?

Thanks for your insight! I do look at the relationship now and see that we were both exceptionally flawed people and there’s baggage from that relationship (unrelated to this) that I’ve had to take care of. I’ve done what I can to map it out because I’m also quite similar in that regard, but it just keeps feeling like dead end after dead end. We weren’t the best to each other, but we certainly weren’t horrible people just young and dumb. I have had to deal with not placing her on a pedestal though.

Someone else said it may be me still trying to process the unexpected failure of the relationship rather than longing for the person themselves, and I think it could be a good lead for further analysis. It feels like a good idea as a lot of my what ifs towards her are about what could’ve gone differently or what may go differently if there’s a second chance. But contrary to some of the people here, I don’t really want a second chance. My ex kinda hated weed and i smoke it daily. She didn’t like smokers and well my cigarette consumption is down but my nicotine usage is still sky high. I’m not the young, brighteyed kid she played D&D with but someone who’s been hardened by time and paranoia (im in cybersecurity, it comes with the territory). I know it wouldn’t work now for the same reasons it didn’t work then. And understanding that the loss of the relationship was neither of our faults but just poor circumstances that were largely unavoidable (although i did try).