“Not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there.”

- Gina Linetti

Jokes on them, I live in their walls rent free.

What’s opcode?

Not much, how about you?

There are many thing free in life. Breathing air, your thoughts, those small pencils at IKEA, not saying what you just said. Funny how that works.

They should’ve put more hours in to come up with a better face for me.

A lot of people talk about straightness and flatness as mathematical concepts. But I think OP means it in a technical sense, as in flat like your phone screen or straight as the edges of the screen but in nature. In this sense, flatness or straightness is defined as a finite number of measured points on a surface of which the coordinates all lie between 2 mathematicaly flat/straight parallel tolerance planes/lines. By that definition, depending on what a person would consider flat, say 0.002 mm between the planes/lines, there are definetly naturally occurring crystals that would pass that test.

Always forward.

Yeah, but sometimes your mind slips and for a second you forget to disregard them, and you know the next few days are gonna be unmeditated fun (hell).

I think there are two separate things that are culturally called ‘depression’, but one of them is just inexplicable sadness.
We have a separation between feelings that we are allowed to feel and feelings that are frowned upon. Most negitive emotions belong to the former group. You are not supposed to feel hate, envy, anger or sadness. Sadness is only accptable in certain circumstances, like funerals, goodbyes, loss of a job, etc. So when people have an inexplicable period off sadness outside of those circumstances they often attribute it to depression. But this is a valid emotion that you are allowed and supposed to feel. And your body also has ways to deal with sadness. When I’m sad, I’m comfortable in knowing that eventually it is going to pass and there’s going to be relief.

But then there is ‘depression’. All of us are problem solvers, that’s just how all our brains work. All our life, whatever the issue is we always try to find a solution. And if the solution is not apparent or non-existent we weigh the effort of continuing to look for a solution against the the severely of the problem. For most of our problems the solutions are easily apperent and if they are not, it is usually an issue that is not worth wrapping our heads around. But then there are people with problems that can’t be ignored, fundamental issues of existence. And some of those problems are fundamentally unsolvable. So this is the point where your problem solving brain gets into a negative feedback loop of, ‘can’t ignore this problem, but theres no solution, but I can’t ignore this problem, but theres no solution, but I can’t ignore this problem, but theres no solution, …’. Even if you are not thinking about it, it occupies your mind and drains you mentally to the point where even other easily solvable problems become monumental tasks for you preoccupied mind.

An example is, having a bad childhood, therefore missing crucial early social development, this cascades into missing out on early romantic relationships, the lack of experience makes you even more undesirable. Even if you develop that later in life, you can’t turn back the clock, the time to experiment around has passend and now that everybody else around you is more mature you will always be held to a higher standard than you can fulfill. There is no solution to this, it is just the passage of time, natures law.
Another example is education, if all you life you’ve been told that all you need is a good education. And now suddenly the tides have turned and now the degree that you spend arguably the most important decade off your life barely pushing through is not even the bare minimum, you have a serious problem. You are to old and life has become to expensive to start over. Its even worse if on paper it shouldn’t be that way. On every corner you’re being told ‘Yes, but not you’. Again, theres no solution. The dice keep rolling against you and you’re running out of dice to roll.
Seeing young talented people is another cause of depression. Being reminded that there’s nothing you are really good at because all your life you’ve been behind, swimming upstream to not get washed away. Having no time to get into anything because you were always looking for the most effortless distraction for you occupied mind. Even if you know now that it’s not about talent but about dedication and practice. If you’d would start now to get good at something, by the time you’re proficient enough you’d either be to old to impress or to old to enjoy you own proficiency. It’ll be just a constant reminder that ‘you could’ve started earlier’.

In general I would say that depression is a symptom of things that we can’t but wish to control like the passage of time, luck, decay, etc. I also wouldn’t call it a disease because it’s more of a base line of complex life. There are basically two base lines, being completely unaware of your problems (being obliviously happy) and being hyperaware of your problems (being depressed). Ideally you would spend all your life right in the middle between those two. But depending on what type of person you are, if you are not actively working towards the middle you will naturally gravitate toward one or the other. The issue is that golden retriever energy people are usually not regarded as problematic, whereas downer people are.

My boss yelled at me -> I’m worthless -> If I die, my gut bacteria will be sad -> live to die another day

Without ans natural predetors

Sir, may I introduce you to the little province called “The entire Sun”

Is the actual problem pulse or blood pressure? According to my Fitbit, my hearth rate fluctuates between ~ 60 - 160 BPM through they day. A short 20 second jog can make it rise above 120 easily. But gaming is different. My pulse usually sits around resting heart rate (because my body is technically at rest) but sometimes when playing Tarkov or DayZ my blood pressure rises to the point that I can feel my own heartbeat in my ears while my pulse remains at resting rate.

I think that was intentional, to make you read the article.

Thats fair. I guess because there is no definitive answer, everybody can have their own interpretation.

This is a question the greatest minds haven’t been able to answer in millennia. Don’t expect an answer in a random lemmy thread. The closest answer to the truth I could give is “we don’t know”.

Measured at what age? You definitely don’t have the same skin now as newborn you. Skincolor is dependend as much on nutritional and eviromental factors as it is on genetic ones. In addition to that the genes don’t simply average out your skin tones. There are enough examples of “interracial” couples having 2 children, one being dark skinned and the other being pale. Your base melanin levels and additional melanin production are two entirely different and independend genetic factors.

Is this a showerthought or a pitch meeting?

I sorry, in what world should
“Hey, come look, theres a funny picture I want to show you.”,
“I’m going to need your help in the garden for the next 2 hours.”,
“I think the sink is clogged, the water doesn’t go down.”
be communicated in the same way, by saying “come here”?

Lacking communication skills are absolutely no excuse. If you can’t exite someone and still give them information then work on your delivery, watch some stand up or read novels, there are enough examples how to build tension with plain sight. Communication is the most important aspect in life, and you can’t improve yourself for your loved one, getoutahere.

There seems to be two kinds of people giving advice here. The ones that try to analyze the situation rationally and give both of you the benefit of the doubt and the ones that have actual experience dealing with a person like this. I’ve been dealing with the exact same thing as you for over two decades. If you can’t live with this issue don’t bother trying to fix it. If that person ignores your request for comfort repeatedly it is definetly a mental health issue.

• It could be trauma or fear of rejection. Maybe they are afraid that if they give you the choice to come to them instead of commanding it, you could reject them and they are afraid of that feeling. Thats the best case scenario, because this can be worked on.
• They could also be just plain stupid. Forgetting that you asked them not to do that, or not knowing how to fully communicate their intent. This sucks, because it’s really not their fault.
• It could be a form to get pleasure from control. As long as they keep calling you and you keep coming they will get the happy chemicals in their brain. This sucks too, but if you stop complying they will likely find something else to give them the same feeling.
• Worst case, they are a narcissist, who don’t value your time or opinion but will pretend they do just enough to not inconvenience them. *This sucks the most, because they will never change - their brain is hardwired that way. They can only be learned to be dealth with, ignored or avoided.*

I’m not an expert in psychology, just somebody who had to deal with this issue long enough to know how it slowly wears you down and poisons your relationship.

As someone who’s been dealing with OPs exact scenario with a family member for 20+ years, I can 100% say that this is the only correct answer.

What started 10 years ago with me asking nicely to drop that habit because it feels like a disrespect of my time, has over the years turned into major conflicts. I can get behind somebody calling me with a simple “come here” to get my attention, but as soon as I ask “what for?” and they go out of their way to make the reason a secret by repeating “just come here” over and over, it’s stops being a bad habit and quickly turns into straight up malice. Especially after being repeatedly told that it’s something that I value for them not to do.

I’ve adjusted my behavior far more for people that I like a lot less, just to adhere to their comfort. If a coworker asks me not to stack boxes too high because she has trouble reaching them, I will. Even though their respect or friendship means a lot less to me than a family members or friends, I will go through this minor trouble because it’s just common courtesy.
But for some reason, the request of giving one sentence of context for a call down two flights of stairs from a loved one, is impossible to fulfill.

Since my situation has been going on for so long, I’ve naturally started looking into this behavioral issue and sought out other people experiences with similar things.
Simply put, it’s a form of narcissism.
I’ve started noticing other typical narcissistic patterns with that person too. Like for example on multiple occasions I’ve been busy with something else in another room and hear somebody dropping and breaking a plate, suddenly this person rushes to me and asks me why I made them drop the plate, because their brain is incapabile to recognize their own wrong doing. This isn’t even the most extreme example, just the most common one.

In short, if this is something that has been going on for a long time and your requests have been ignored, that person has most likely a mental condition. This is not normal adult behavior. If you’re tethered to this person you can read up on how to deal with them or ask some experts. But just know, that getting them to change is fighting for a lost cause.