My SO struggles with this too. I just get by with only one or two people I’d call friends and that works for me. I don’t need a lot.
But my SO struggles with friends in much the same way. They are always the one to reach out to the friends and ask to schedule things and plan in advance but it’s never the friends reaching out to do the same. I consider those not real friends - they’re friends out of convenience because it gives them something to do sometimes instead of actually caring.
So maybe keep track of things like this and see if your friends are actually friends and they care about you or because they get bored and occasionally want things to do.
It seems to me to be pretty normal as you age to distance yourself from others. Especially if you’re in a relationship and/or have a career or job you’re passionate about which it appears you care a lot for your field. Those two things alone will eat up the majority of your time. Throw in friends with that who also may have relationships and jobs etc that eat up all their time too. So naturally it’s difficult to plan things and people fall apart. Totally normal.
Yeah sounds like your current “friends” just don’t get how mentally exhausting some things can be for you.
I have some coworkers that commiserate and talk about technical work junk and usually that is enough to get it out of my system & with actual friends we usually don’t talk about work and just shoot the shit and relax and enjoy NOT being at work together.
Good luck getting your stuff figured out my friend!