no, don’t do that

not with that attitude

yo ho, matey! shiver me timbers and man the fuck-down!

SNAKE EYES

similar 100% true story from a green text:

kid goes out for his 21st, and grandpa tells him that the secret to never getting too drunk is drinking some olive oil before a shot, so that the alcohol never enters the bloodstream, or something.

they follow through, and shit their pants after one round; ironically, the oil drinking did technically prevent them from getting drunk.

I don’t care if it’s fake, it’s still a hilarious idea

“Alright, it’s taken 20 minutes to initialize and warm up, let’s try a test print-”

GUTTER CLEANING IN PROGRESS

“Well that’s okay, I’m sure it’s part of routine maintena-”

SEQUENCING OFF

“No, damnit, I need to get the line running!”

…

MAKEUP LEVEL TOO LOW

“But I just changed the cartridge…”

MAKEUP LEVEL TOO LOW

crying and putting on lipstick

“Please, I have a family!”

MAKEUP LEVEL TOO HIGH

“Okay, I’ll do anything, just let me print these batch codes…”

READY TO PRINT

“Thank you, oh merciful machine, I owe you my-”

GUTTER CLEANING IN PROGRESS

my cover band is playing a beach bar gig tonight… I started shedding Margaritaville and Cheeseburger as soon as I saw the headline

trinkets and baubles

and after overdoing it on the spicy foods, bidets are a true life-saver

sent from my bidet

unwilling to sacrifice, our kids

remember kids: always use a clean straw for your booger sugar!

How are ya now?

ever watch the original Doc and Mharti? what a trip

shitty final destination

what a weird fucking show

ki-oui

drupe group

foolish Ed-boy

more of a “back to putting off work from school” sale

I used to rush to do my homework in between classes and on the bus, to make more time for short SNES games. I can’t imagine what it’s like for kids, now that they have enormous open-world games to distract them.

the EA way