Elevator7009

It might also just be that the person asking you just always asks.

did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?”

… I already brought up that possibility :(

Not conservative.

I’ve gotten very very used to being asked for titles on forms and the like. I’ve gotten used to respecting other peoples’ pronouns.

I have not gotten used to being asked for my own, and I don’t like it.

I understand that you can look just like me while having a gender identity that does not match my own—some men like to present in a feminine manner sometimes while still being men, and some people are non-binary, third gender, agender, etc. but might still dress in a very feminine way for whatever reason. To cover all your bases, ask pronouns, because guessing “she/her” at a feminine presentation in a body with a feminine shape won’t always be right. If you want to maximize your chances of being correct, you need to ask.

But whenever I’m asked, I also wonder if I’ve presented in a way that signals anything other than “woman” (which frequently but does not always line up with feminine presentations from feminine bodies). Did I just totally fail at presenting the way I want to and if forced to assume you’d guess I’m third gender, or are you being inclusive and considering that people who present like me aren’t always women? It’s the privileged, cis-woman version of “did you have to ask because I failed hard at passing, or did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?” I’m really used to my gender being assumed and assumed correctly, and am not comfortable with people being unsure or even assuming wrong. I’m basically getting a microdose of what many non-cis, non-binary, and/or nongenderconforming people have to deal with, and I don’t like it.

I also understand it is probably for the benefit of most people (I’m aware of some non-cis people also disliking people asking pronouns, with reasons being along the lines of “please assume, I’m a binary trans person and asking makes me worry I don’t pass” or “I’m in the closet right now and asking my pronouns makes me choose between outing myself and misgendering myself” and it’s worth finding some solution for this) for asking to be normalized, so I let my personal discomfort and dislike go. After I ask if they asked pronouns because they honestly thought it’s super likely I don’t use she/her in which case oh god what do I change so I can make the assumption be that I use she/her, or if it’s just them trying to be inclusive and cover all bases which is good and respectable.

context: Flight of the Conchords - The Humans Are Dead

You used commas, capitalization, and periods here. Therefore you are a bot exposing yourself!

I don’t usually drop punctuation unless I’m on text message or Discord. Still used to that Reddit norm and sticking to the norm of using regular punctuation isn’t one I take issue with, especially on a site based around reading other peoples’ comments and writing responses.

A good amount of the conditions lumped together as “neurodiverse” are either comorbid or share some traits. It’s reasonable people with these separate conditions may still want to connect with each other because of the commonalities between them. Nobody’s forgoing the words “ADHD”, “autism”, or “OCD” for the more generic “neurodiverse”, they only use “neurodiverse” in place of “people who have ADHD, autism, OCD, or [insert other conditions here]”.

I’ve never liked that at all.

I’m not exactly rich, but compared to some starving people in third-world countries yes I am.

I hate to think that because I have it worlds better than them by an accident of birth, I must be stupid and deserve every bad thing that happened to me. After all, I’m just an overprivileged first-worlder, therefore I purposely tried to step on everyone to get my way. Because you suffered in ways that I never have, I must suffer like that and you get to laugh at the “rich person” flailing and generally being miserable. I wasn’t born into poverty, therefore if I experience misfortune I clearly deserve it somehow. If I happen to catch cancer, well, everyone dies someday, should have gotten used to the concept of unexpectedly dying by disease like us real folk, cry harder you privileged bitch, nobody cares and nobody should. That’s just what you get for being out of touch with how real people live. Should have been prepared for that.

This is why I stick to /sub. To avoid this kind of post. And I somehow find these posts anyway (didn’t even seek out stuff outside of /sub, not sure how I landed here, going to find out how it happened so it won’t happen again) and get angry.

Lovely outrage bait. Never change, internet.

I appreciate that you’re actually respectfully disagreeing instead of deciding that someone with a different opinion than you must clearly be a Reddit bootlicker and a [insert more insults here]. Even if they’re still opposed to Reddit’s actions and just think the best anti-Reddit action is different from what you think it is. I’ve seen way too much of that on Reddit discussion on Reddit alternatives, so thanks for not doing that.