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A Tumblr post by user homunculus-argument that reads:

Was talking with my therapist about how it’s possible to completely lose one’s own identity to people-pleasing - when you grow up being constantly preoccupied with concerns about what other people want, and the ideal outcome is always whatever makes everyone else happy, it’s possible to simply not learn to know yourself at all. If the only thing you’ve ever strived for in life is to make everyone else happy, you just never pause to think what you want, or what you would enjoy, independently from anyone else’s desires.

As an example of this, I recalled that for the longest time, I just didn’t listen to music when I was alone, because the thought never occurred to me. I didn’t have my own taste in music, I was fine with listening to whatever the people I was with wanted to listen to, but whose music would I be listening to if I wasn’t with anyone else? She thought this was a great observation, and gave me a homework assignment to find a song I like, just on my own and for myself, and show it to her next week.

So I guess my therapist is about to learn about the existence of mongolian folk metal.

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Source of post.

  • Phen@lemmy.eco.br
    0·
    7 months ago

    I never associated it with the people pleasing aspect of my life, but it took me 35 years to finally enjoy one song by myself, to the point I actually didn’t mind just listening to it without doing anything else at the same time.

  • BenVimes@lemmy.ca
    0·
    7 months ago

    I mean, I didn’t develop my own musical taste until my mid-20s. My parents only played Christian worship music, while all my friends in highschool and university were various flavours of music snob. I was literally convinced that no one actually liked pop music because everyone I knew seemed to hate it.

    I don’t know if I was ever a “people pleaser,” in that I never pretended to like a band or song just because everyone else did. However, I definitely avoided saying anything negative about the music I was exposed to for fear that I’d be ostracized all the same.

    It took me a long time to overcome all that, and it took even longer to admit my tastes publicly.

    • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
      0·
      7 months ago

      That’s how my music tastes have been described in the past

      Everywhere and everything

      Though I can be picky when it comes to my country music tastes. For example Bro Country is not on the menu.

      • TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        0·
        7 months ago

        This is the way to be. There is so much good music out nowadays, and being a hater will just end up with you missing out on some really good stuff.

        I can’t do any of the garbage modern country stuff, either, but I can listen to modern bluegrass. That genre is full of shredders.

        I like to imagine I have ‘musical ADHD’, because I can really enjoy everything from classical music, to death metal, to hip hop, to jazz, to pop, etc. I find I get bored if I listen to just one genre for too long.

        • themoonisacheese@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          7 months ago

          I think enjoy particular music without being an asshat about all other music.

          I can name you a few of my favorite artists (digitalism, Savant, bossfight, Metric) but just because I like their music and electro in general doesn’t mean I physically can’t listen to other genres.

      • BirdyBoogleBop@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        0·
        7 months ago

        The only music I can clearly say I don’t like is the 20 songs they play on the radio. They really love to grind those songs into dust.

        • LinkOpensChest.wav@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          0·
          7 months ago

          Yeah, overplay sucks. It’s especially annoying when you actually start out liking the song. All it takes is a week of it being overplayed on the radio to run any joy you once experienced into the ground.

    • Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      0·
      7 months ago

      That’s how my brain used to work.

      Now I have two methods depending on how much I care.

      Either I need all available options and have them listed out like a spreadsheet, then I’ll painstakingly determine which ones I like based on critera and using my feelings like a vague sensor.

      Or if I don’t have time for that I’ll use an algorithm of some kind, like Spotify’s Smart Shuffle, then I’ll determine what I like based on this new “optimized” list.

      Because I can’t just like a random disconnected thing, no no no, I need to make sure it’s something I will definitely like and maybe incorporate into my identity.