CHAPTER 1
THE BEGINNING
od made adam and eve same kind different font Gind od in the image and likeness of his own pfp
and said what is up my mammals go forth and vibe in this minecraft paradise i seeded
you may take any w, except from the tree of w’s and i’s for then you will have w’s, but also L’s
while fam was living their best life the op of opps woke up and chose violence
he slid into eves dms with that sneaky rizz and eve let him cook, though he had not the ingredients
he said why wont the TOP G let you take any w’s she said nah thats not lore accurate
but the snake said babygirl he’s gatekeeping all them dubs me personally i would not let that slide
POV: you realize you have free will 👁️👄👁️
so she chose to secure a bag of w’s and L’s
and she ate and left crumbs and gave them to adam he saw his crush watching and said bet (with rizz)
when they took the L it altered their brain chemistry and suddenly they had the ick
but DIVINE G caught them in 4K and said bruh they really took the L and thought we wouldnt notice
dw fam i got you, we’ll come in clutch the woman will have a chile who will solo the op of opps and say UNO REVERSE
thus began the divine dad lore
It’s because you invoked the story trope of the great proscription. Whether its Bluebeard or The Goon Fairy or the Wyrd Sisters or King Oberon Himself, if he says to the hero don’t mess with the forbidden room, you know he’s going to pick the lock by page ten.
Zeus tells Prometheus not to give man fire because they’re clever and will turn fire into big science. But the clay men are cold in winter, so Prometheus gives them fire.
And the Olympians engineer Pandora, sleek and curvy, but give her curiosity and a jar full of evil shit. Don’t open the jar, they say, knowing full well how long that seal will last.
If God wants us to not open the vault of doom, He puts it at the bottom of the sea, or on Diamos, the moon of Mars. He forces us to work for it. He doesn’t stack a verboten tree with yummy fruit next to us when were feeling peckish.